It's My Life! Ezine
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Column: The Spiritual Realist

Raymond Siew

The Universe in the Moment

You can't find a solution beyond your current understanding

by Raymond Siew

Hi Uncle Raymond,

Thanks for sharing with me your views. There is something I want to ask regarding the inner child - about changing myself to get out of the insecurities, of my own fears. Imagined fears. Fearing about making the wrong decision, fearing that I do not have the capacity to reach my goal. To do that I have to understand myself well in order to change myself, right? Understand my inner child, as you said. By understanding the inner child and knowing my true self then only can I set smart goals, that are realistic and attainable in the time frame that I've decided. By doing this only can I make the journey towards success - a real journey where I can experience and learn without limiting beliefs, without the disturbance of my inner child. Which means learning with integrity and spirit.

Identifying the inner child/children > Coming to terms, calming the inner child > knowing yourself > changing yourself > goal setting > enjoying the learning process...and so on.

The words in purple is my assumption of the way learning should be. The question is... how to come to terms with the inner child, to calm it, and make peace with it? How to discover the TRUE inner child? After our conversation only did I realise that I'm really pushing against the wall, trying to find the truth 'out there' ...when deep within, I have yet to come to terms with my inner child, my imagined fears, the way my mind clouds me with negative perceptions, the way my mind keeps placing limiting beliefs. I may choose not to react to it, only observe? - with discipline, as u say, but in the end, it is the inner child that stirs up the emotions, the inner child that is restless.

I'd better stop now, before I stop making sense with my pondering sea of thoughts. Was wondering if you could help. Did I really catch your meaning, or did I not with these questions? Thanks.

Best wishes,

Jing Wen, Malaysia

Dear Jing Wen

My apologies for this late response. You ask really big questions and that is fantastic. I hope you will continue to ask them throughout your life.

I'm not sure if I can cover everything you've brought up but I'll try my best. While I do not have the specifics, I think I am getting a feel of what you are saying from our previous correspondence.

But first let me try and get us on the same page: I'm assuming (from our past conversations) that your questions are related to the current struggles you have in your Accountancy course; your goals of reaching a certain result - and achieving it within the time frame you have (or think you have).

An overview...

You can't find a solution beyond your current understanding

This means that as your understanding grows, your solutions become better... but I'll try to offer here, a practical roadmap out of your current situation.

An aside: My thoughts on the inner child is a continuous work-in-progress (and I think you'll find the same). I find that new things crop up all the time, and especially when I try to move to the next level. So I suggest you don't try to do it all at once - but rather in small steps, and in relation to your goal.

You mentioned in another email that your friends seem to understand certain exam questions better than you can. Here, I think it's a matter of perspective — Remember my article with the story about the 3 blind men and their different perspectives of the elephant? Remember I also said "accounts" do not exist in a vacuum? Everything is connected. Accounts can be used to highlight management or financial issues, or it can be used to hide or distort the same issues. The point is that exam questions have a perspective that is connected to the reality of accounts in business. Personally, when I struggle, it's often because I have a fixed view of what things SHOULD be - and not accepted things as they REALLY ARE. I suggest you expand your perspective (and you may gain a better understanding of these exam questions).

Another related point is this: Exam situations are competitive in nature. Competition creates pressure. And pressure can bring out a lot of negative thoughts (inner child issues)... even ones you didn't know you had. That is why I believe in competition as a way of bringing out the best in ourselves. Yes, ourselves. This perspective is important — Competition, in my opinion, is not about defeating an external opponent... it's to bring out the best in ourselves. And we do that by unblocking ourselves FROM ourselves, by letting go of those thoughts that do not serve us. Hence, exam or competition results are a measure of how much we have succeeded in doing that.

In order to see things in a better perspective (or to get better results), we need to INTEGRATE our truths.

Let's use a chess analogy here as you have also played competitive chess...

You have seen many burgeoning chess players focus on the technical aspects of the game (openings, tactical, end games, etc). Another reality/truth is that it is also a timed game (and you have seen many chess players lose on time).

The Universe in the Moment

So, time management is an integral part of the game. Now if we dissect the components of this element, we see that the first step is to learn to think well so as to arrive at the correct conclusions and then to learn to think well FAST. The steps cannot be reversed. You cannot think well fast if you cannot think well slow.

Under time pressure, a myriad of negative thoughts also assault us thick and fast. And so we need to learn how to only focus on those thoughts that allow us to analyse the problem clearly. You see what I mean? You can't rush things and you can't reverse the order.
From my experience, when the player first tries to hold on to thinking well AND thinking fast AND also deciding when to do what - he is under tension, and often drops the ball. Eventually he develops judgement and the discipline to do this, to hold the tension. Even an apparently small step of integrating time management brings out so much more than what it seems on the surface... the universe in the moment.

So don't beat yourself up. Some things take time. You are doing so well. Never stop asking questions. One step at a time.

It is enough for now...

In summary... Don't worry about inner child issues per se. It is enough for now just to be aware of its operation in your life — It will surface as you struggle to integrate things you know, as you develop a greater perspective. It will surface as you pursue your goal. You may view the spirit, mind & body as an effective operating system that will continuously improve itself with learning - and the inner child, as the virus, that disrupts this system. The inner child resists integration by using the tools of denial, avoidance, etc etc. And it is a spinner of illusions.

That is why you need to ground your goal in measurable results. If you do that, you won't be stuck anymore. In essence, keep unblocking and letting go of things that do not work, measure the results and you will get there. And in doing so, you will be doing inner child work. So focus on your perspectives, achieving your goals, measuring the results, and you will find that you'll get to know your inner child better and better.

Note: I make a clear distinction between the spirit and the inner child (which can portray itself as the spirit).

One other thing. I noticed you kept referring to "enjoying" the experience in this and other emails. Let me recount a conversation I had with my son Mark on gentleness. I asked, "Is gentleness about avoiding difficult topics?" — You see, even if we use gentle tones and words, once inner child issues are touched, there will be turbulence. Remember what I said about the guardian of the inner child... the ego. You cannot approach the inner child with harshness - for it was harshness that created the inner child in the first place. So, you need to learn about how to discipline an unruly inner child with love and patience (maybe tough love). A paradox.

Life's journey will have discomforts, times of uncertainties and doubts... but that's OK too. It is running to the quick simple answers (instead of holding the tension of uncertainty, till the right answers come) that we should be cautious about. Very often, I keep meeting the same problem (and not quite the same) over and over again... but with new understanding. That is what I mean by "the universe in the moment". Don't try to do it all at once. It is enough to just unblock ourselves from ourselves in the pursuit of a goal.

My experience tells me that every time I climb a peak, even small ones, I do experience joy - and when I do, I try to savour the moment.

I sincerely hope I have been of some help.


I will also be writing on chess & bridge as analogies to life in my next article in in-the-loop Ezine — That may help round up what I have said here.

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About the author:
Raymond Siew is the CEO and business development strategist for eMasters as well as her two online publications: It's My Life! (lifestyle ezine) and in-the-loop (business ezine). eMasters' core business is Design, Advertising & Promotions — Visit to view eMasters' suite of products & services, or to read Raymond's bio.

About It's My Life! content: All content on It's My Life! belongs exclusively to eMasters and may not be reproduced or reprinted in any manner without permission from eMasters. If you wish to use any of our content, please contact us.

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